Dealing with resentment while getting organized

Many times the reason a person needs a professional organizer like myself is because there has been a divorce.  I have helped a number of women in this situation. One thing I have noticed is that they are holding a lot of resentment against their ex-spouse, and this keeps them from having all the energy they need to quickly and easily sort through their stuff. It doesn’t help anyone when every object picked up reminds one of negative memories and then resentment is stirred up.

So I thought that I would offer this suggestion which has been the most effective way I have found to release resentment. I learned this 25 years ago and seriously do not know what I would have done without this simple tool. I feel so grateful to John Grey, author of MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS for discovering this method.

You don’t have to use every single suggestion in the outline below, but it is best to enter in something in each of the five areas of feelings:  Anger, Sadness, Fear, Guilt and Love.

This technique can be used to express feelings to anyone, including God. Because you want to be uninhibited while writing, don’t plan on sending it.  After working through the 5 stages, you  will be better able to be able to write a shorter and more loving letter if you choose to do so.

In the anger part I like to cut loose, curse, blame, be judgemental–in order to find out all the thoughts that I have been probably suppressing.  Often my letters are an inch high in the beginning.  I find that this helps me uncover anything I have been hiding from myself. Being aware is the first step to healing. Knowing that it is okay to feel anything–just not okay to hurt someone–helps a lot. If you are a believer in a loving God who knows your every thought, it is helpful to know that He is very happy when you are aware of thoughts that you are suppressing because then He can help you with the healing process!  It is hard to repent or ask for forgiveness when you don’t feel a need.

I pray for the person I am writing to before I write so that they don’t pick up any of the negative feelings that I am initially sending out. I don’t know exactly how that can protect them–but I do know that people are affected by our thoughts–so I want to be aware that I am not sending those thoughts to hurt that person.

I hope this helps you to release resentment and have more energy and joy when you are getting organized.

Dear _______________

Anger and Blame:
I hate it when… I don’t like it when… You make me mad when… I am fed up with…

Hurt and Sadness I feel sad when… I feel hurt when… I feel awful when… I feel disappointed because…

Fear I’m afraid that… I feel scared because… I feel afraid because…

Guilt I am guilty for… I am sorry that… Please forgive me for… I didn’t mean to…

Love Gratitude and Forgiveness I love you because… I love you when… Thank you for… I understand that… I forgive you for… I appreciate you when… I want…


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